Why am I gay?

Am I gay? Many teens have feeling for other members of the same sex and wonder if this means that they are gay. For some people these feelings can be very strong and even somewhat frightening and confusing.  Many members who are attracted to members of the same sex are gay or lesbian and go on to have sexual relations with members of the same sex. But other people who have feelings for members of the same sex find that in time these feeling change and they become attracted to members of the opposite sex. This is particularly true of very young teens.

Some people find they are attracted to members of both sexes and have sexual relationships with both. And there are even some who find themselves attracted to no one and wonder if this means they are gay or lesbian. In most cases, time will eventually resolve these confused feelings. Often it helps to talk to someone about your feelings if you think you might be gay. Many places have telephone help lines that you can call to talk with someone about your feelings and concerns. You can also talk to others in the ChadzBoyz forums.

When do people know they are gay? There is no standard answer for this question as it varies greatly from one person to another. Generally you don't just wake up one morning with the sudden realization that you are gay. Usually young gay teens become aware of a series of feelings that they gradually realize makes them "different" from other teens of the same sex. Many such young gays often think that all teen boys have similar feelings to theirs. In time they realize that this is not so. Some teens feel there were signs they might be gay early on in their younger years. See What were some early clues that you were gay?

Is homosexuality just a phase? It is not uncommon for many gays to think they are just going through a phase and that in time they will become attracted to women. But often the opposite happens and they become even more attracted to men and the phase never ends. Still there are some for which feelings for members of the same sex is just a phase. Some men do not have their first homosexual feelings or experiences until they are older in life –often in their twenties or even much later. For some, homosexual experiences seem to be part of a transitional or experimental phase of their youth. This is not surprising given that adolescence is a period of change in which many people discover who they are and what they want in adult life. This type of behavior is not unusual.

What causes people to be gay?
There is no easy answer to this question.
What we have are a series of theories. There have been attempts to search for biological differences between gays and straights but research to date has been promising but inconclusive. No "gay gene" has been proven conclusively. See Was I Born Gay? Psychology can offer up a series of factors that could have an influence on the development of a person's homosexuality. One of these is the presence of a strong domineering mother and a weak father so that there is no strong male role for the young boy to emulate. Others implicate individual psychological makeup and lack of conformity to gender roles. Unfortunately none of these factors alone answer the question of "what causes homosexuality". Assumptions that older gays seduce younger males and turn them gay does not hold water since most young gays have sex with others near their own age.

What seems clear is that a person's behavior is influenced by their family environment, their experiences and their sense of themselves. Initial beliefs about sex are shaped by family values. In time these beliefs may be shaped by good and bad experiences of sex and also influence their choice of activities and partners. Throughout their life a person's sense of who and what they are has a strong impact on their sexual development and experience.

Can you stop being gay? Today there is a general belief that sexuality is pre-determined and may change over time or may stay fixed. But can someone change their sexuality if the desire for change is strong enough? There are some organizations that offer to help homosexuals become straight. These can be generally divided into those that use psychological reparative methods and those that use religious healing processes. Available data suggest that the reparative method does not work. The American Psychological Association (APA) stated that:

"Homosexuality is not a mental disorder and the APA opposes all portrayals of lesbian, gay and bisexual people as mentally ill and in need of treatment due to their sexual orientation."

Some religious groups feel homosexual behavior is sinful and against the teachings of the bible. There is no scientific evidence that this method of healing and prayer works either.

Such techniques only seem to have success in convincing gays to refrain from having gay sex. There is no good data that even one person was able to change their sexuality by either of these methods.